CCL Newsletters

Saying Goodbye to Clare

Fri, 28 Feb 2025 20:18:05 GMT

Saying Goodbye to Clare

Dear CCL Community,

It is with both sadness and deep appreciation that this week marks Clare Johnson’s last week at CCL. After 20 incredible years as a teacher, caregiver, and friend, Clare is ready to return home. Clare has been a constant source of warmth, creativity, and dedication, touching the lives of countless children, families, and colleagues.

Clare’s talents go far beyond her extraordinary ability to connect with children—she can quite literally make anything. Whether it’s a project idea, a classroom tool, or a magical creation out of a simple cardboard box, Clare has an uncanny ability to bring visions to life overnight. Knitting, carving, woodworking—her skills seem endless, and her willingness to share them has enriched our community in ways too numerous to count.

Having grown up in England and Scotland, Clare first came to America as an au pair at 19 years old. Now, with her own daughter having reached that same milestone, Clare has made the difficult decision to return home to Scotland to be with her family. Like many immigrants, she has built a chosen family here in the States, and so many of us at CCL have been lucky to be part of that.

What makes Clare truly remarkable is her unwavering determination and deep curiosity about children. She doesn’t just work with children—she seeks to understand them. She asks thoughtful, meaningful questions about their development, always striving to grow as an educator. Her co-teachers will miss her boundless energy, her warmth, and the way she made everyone feel welcome and supported.

During her tenure at CCL, Clare has faced incredible personal challenges, including battling cancer and severe Lyme disease. And yet, through it all, she has always, always shown up—with her determination, her spirit, and her unwavering commitment to the children and this community. Her resilience has been nothing short of inspiring, and we are so grateful for the strength and love she has poured into CCL.

Personally, I will deeply miss hearing Clare read and sing to the children. There is nothing better than listening to an English person read children’s literature—her voice brought stories to life in a way that captivated both children and adults alike.

Clare, there are no words to fully express how much you mean to this community. We will miss your laughter, kindness, and ability to make something special out of the simplest materials and moments. We are so grateful for the love, care, and creativity you have freely given CCL over the past two decades. While we are heartbroken to say goodbye, we send you off with all our love, support, and warmest wishes as you embark on this new chapter.

Scotland is lucky to have you back. And no matter where you are, you will always be part of the CCL family.

With love and gratitude,
Allegra

Breaking Mirrors and Windows: Pinkalicious Among List Of Hundred Of Books Banned In Wilson County, TN

Tue, 25 Feb 2025 18:53:32 GMT

A Conversation with Author Victoria Kann

The latest book to be removed from the shelves of libraries and public schools is the pink and sparkly Pinkalicious, the beloved 2006 children’s book that launched a bestselling series. With the tagline “Pink is perfect,” the story follows Pinkalicious Pinkerton, an eight-year-old girl passionate about all things pink—especially pink cupcakes. Over the years, Pinkalicious has expanded into over 80 books, a television series, a podcast, and a stage musical, making it a staple in children’s literature.

Many were shocked to learn that Pinkalicious was banned from Wilson country, Tennessee schools under House Bill 843, the Age-Appropriate Materials Act. According to the Nashville Banner, this law mandates that all school library materials be “suitable for the age and maturity levels of the students” and align with the “educational mission of the school.” However, no official reasoning has been provided for Pinkalicious’s removal. The book was one of over 400 titles banned in Wilson County, Tennessee, including No, David!, Wacky Wednesday, and a long list of young adult and adult books such as The Hate U Give, Fight Club, and A Clockwork Orange.

The few list of books can be seen here

Curious about the impact of this decision, I reached out to Pinkalicious author Victoria Kann for her thoughts on the ban and the broader implications of book censorship. She told me she first learned of the ban through social media, when supporters of children's literature and musical theater informed her that her book—along with hundreds of others—had been pulled from Wilson County schools and public libraries. Kann was stunned.

When asked why she thought her book had been banned, she said she wasn’t entirely sure but speculated that it may have been due to an illustration of Pinkalicious standing in in her underwear. If this was truly the reason, she found it absurd and disheartening. If you are unfamiliar with the book, it is an image of a cartoon child who has turned pink and is standing in their underwear with their arms out by their side.

“It’s important that children find books that excite them—books that stay with them,” she said. “Books challenge minds and invite critical thinking, help children take on multiple perspectives, and encourage imagination. Banning books limits these opportunities.”

Kann shared a troubling example of how book bans are expanding. She had been scheduled to speak at a book festival where the headlining author was suddenly denied participation—solely because their book featured a gay main character. As a result, the entire festival was canceled forever. “Books help children develop a sense of identity,” she explained.

We spoke about how, as an early childhood educator, my goal is to provide children with mirrors and windows. It is our job and responsibility to provide mirrors and windows to children, staff, families, and our neighbors. The phrase “mirrors and windows” refers to the practice of offering children both opportunities to see reflections of themselves (mirrors) and opportunities to observe differences in the world (windows).

Children need to see themselves and their families reflected back to them. When children see themselves represented in their communities, it builds their confidence and self-esteem, fostering a sense of belonging. When they do not see themselves, they may wonder, "Why does no one look like me? Is there something wrong with me? Where do I fit in?" This absence can send a harmful message.

When we provide our children with mirrors and windows, they notice. Librarians and public school teachers believe they must provide these essential perspectives to the broader community. We know that representation matters and that inclusion is necessary to reduce bigotry and hate. Offering mirrors and windows fosters empathy and compassion. By banning books, we’re reducing exposure to different cultures and ideas, stifling understanding instead of nurturing it.

Beyond harming children’s learning and growth, Kann believes book bans undermine teachers and librarians. “Educators select books thoughtfully. To override their expertise sends a harmful message” a message that suggest that teachers and other educators can’t be trusted.

Despite the ban, Kann remains committed to making books accessible. It is her priority “to provide children free access to books”. She has reached out to Wilson County libraries and offered to send copies of her books, along with hosting a storytime. “Children are the future,” she said. “They deserve to know the world—not to have it hidden from them out of fear.”

Kann emphasized that Pinkalicious is, at its heart, a book about creativity, kindness, imagination, and self-expression. It is a book that shows children that kindness is essential and that empathy and compassion matter. “When you take away a book because of one single page, you’re erasing all the other messages it has to offer.”

As book bans increase, beloved stories are disappearing from shelves for the flimsiest of reasons. Books are meant to inspire, challenge, and spark imagination—yet more and more are being hidden from public access. If this trend continues, we risk creating a world where children are deprived of the stories that shape and empower them.

I spoke with Victoria on the phone from her home on the East Coast, where she lives with her family.

Wilson County , Tennessee, is the 19th largest country in the state and home to roughly 147,737 people. The district oversees 25 public schools and several libraries and is a 40-minute drive outside of Nashville.

Erasing Hope In The Moon: Rose D. F.

Fri, 07 Feb 2025 16:15:14 GMT

February 7, 2025

The Disappearance of Women in STEM: Why Representation Matters

This morning, I woke up to the unsettling news that Rose D. Ferreira’s inspiring story—one of resilience, passion, and hope—had been removed from NASA’s website. Rose is an astronomer, science communicator, and activist whose journey is nothing short of remarkable. Born and raised in the Dominican Republic, she grew up in poverty, experienced homelessness, and yet persevered—teaching herself English at 17, working her way through college, and eventually landing an internship at NASA. She is now working toward her PhD, continuing to inspire others with her dedication to space exploration and education access.

Women like Rose belong in the public eye. Her story is exactly the kind of narrative young scientists—especially girls—need to see. As a child, knowing about trailblazers like Sally Ride and Christa McAuliffe (a teacher preparing to go to space) helped me dream beyond my circumstances.

Representation matters. When young girls see women succeeding in STEM, they can imagine themselves in those spaces too.

The strategic erasure of women in science will harm the future. We are a community of educators, medical researchers, engineers, and doctors, and we cannot allow the contributions of these heroes to be erased.

Rose’s work extends beyond her research; she actively engages in STEM outreach in both English and Spanish, appearing in numerous publications and public science events. She is a candidate for Project PoSSUM’s Scientist-Astronaut Program and advocates for education access and equity, particularly for survivors of domestic violence, sexual abuse, and homelessness.

Her story is powerful. It must not be silenced. If you want to know more about Rose D. Ferreira, seek her out. Share her story. Make sure young minds, especially those who come from marginalized backgrounds, know that they too belong in science.

You can read more about Rose on her website and you can read a copy of her piece on the NASA website here , Sadly, if you visit the NASA Site you will receive a 404 Not Found message .

Lunch With the Yellow Room

Thu, 17 Oct 2024 18:23:59 GMT

October 17, 2024

I wanted to share my lunchtime today with you. Yesterday, a parent mentioned that their child wasn’t eating much lunch, which is a common concern. Eating in a preschool setting can be quite different from eating at home—there are lots of distractions with other young children around. Even as adults, we probably eat differently in large groups compared to a small family dinner.

As children turn 3, their taste preferences start to shift, and it can become more challenging for them to explore new foods. Don’t worry, though! Research shows that with continuous exposure to a variety of foods, children stay open to new tastes as they grow.

Yesterday, when I spoke with this parent and their child, I asked, "What's your favorite food to eat at school?" The child told me about some pouches her mother makes that she really enjoys. I shared with her that I had made miso soup the night before and was planning to make lentil soup for dinner. I asked her if we could have lunch together tomorrow. We shook hands and agreed to have lunch, where she could try my soup if she wanted.

Today, I brought two thermoses of homemade lentil soup and joined the Yellow Room for lunch. I talked to the children about my food and asked about theirs. They each showed off their fruits, pasta, sandwiches, dumplings, and even mussels! Kiara, who I had come to eat with, turned her body away from the soup, letting me know she wasn’t interested. I asked her, “is this your way of telling me you don’t want to try it? Thank you for letting me know.” I asked if anyone else would like to try, and Peter and Jayden excitedly volunteered. They loved it! Some of the other children said, "Nooooo,” and I responded by modeling, “No, thank you.”

Soon after, Mac and Lucien from another table asked to try some, and Peter and Jayden even came back for more. Peter asked if lentils had a lot of protein—he was excited to learn that they do! This sparked a conversation about how different foods help our bodies. Sam showed us his strawberry and asked about its benefits, so we talked about vitamins and fiber.

Then Ahad told us he was done with his lunch, "is your body telling you that you are full?" “Yes” he said. We all discussed how our bodies send us messages—whether we're hungry, full, tired, if we are hot, and how maybe today or bodies told us we were cold and needed to zipper our coats. We took a moment to practice listening to our bodies. We did this by asking our bodies if they were full and then listening for signs. Does your stomach feel full? Does it feel like it does to eat more? A piece of fruit perhaps, are we tired? . Sam made us laugh when he said his body told him he needed a chocolate chip—something we could certainly relate to!

Although Kiara didn’t try the soup, she sat with us and slowly ate her lunch, watching the others enjoy their meal. Over the years, some of my favorite teaching moments have been during mealtimes. Children have so much to say about food and its effect on their bodies.

I’d love to share the lentil soup recipe with you. It’s a simple, nutritious macrobiotic recipe from my mother, and I make it often in the winter, so there will be more opportunities for the children to try it. Remember, it can take many exposures to a new food before a child might even be willing to taste it.

My Mother's Lentil Soup Recipe Attached

My mother has been making me this soup since I was an infant. It was my favorite. Finally, during the pandemic, I had the courage to make it by myself. The smell and taste brought me right back to my childhood.

What are some of your child's favorite foods to eat? or favorite family recipes?

I have also attached a research study on developing food patterns.

Parenting Our Parents: A Week With My Father

sboleski@cclex.org (Sarah Boleski) — Wed, 18 Jan 2023 18:24:03 GMT

January 18, 2023

I hope that everyone has had a good week while I have been gone. I have been down in NYC after my father had a stroke. In the truest New Yorker fashion, he collapsed in front of a Van Gogh painting at the Met. Thankfully, he is being well looked after despite the nursing strike and he is in good spirits (mostly).

Are we ever prepared to have to parent our parents?! What an experience to bear witness to their fragility. When I was a little girl, my father, despite being “the old dad” appeared invincible to me. He started running marathons in his fifties, and currently still works as a teacher and a director. I am lucky to say that my father is extremely engaged in the world, despite his age.

However, taking care of our parents is hard and stressful. It is hard to see him be a shadow of himself. I was watching a nurse tend to him and could see how thin he is, how fragile. It was so shocking that I showed the Nurse a picture of him when he was at the beach in his youth. I said, “this is what he looks like on a good day.”

This week has also been incredibly valuable. It has been a long time since my father, and I have had days on end to sit and talk with each other. Although we have different careers, we both love connection, and our common bond is developing personal relationships with others. My father taught me to be curious about others, to connect with them, to be kind and compassionate. Everyone who walks in the room gets the same line of questions: what is your name? Where are you from? Tell us about you…

My dad is incredibly generous with his presence. The OT asked him about his children, and he mentioned how my eldest brother committed suicide. She then went on to say that her brother had too. I came back into the room, and they were holding hands and weeping together.

We have talked about everything, our family, our challenges, and hardships. We cried and laughed together.

Over the course of the week, he has told wonderful stories about his life going to school with Marylin Monroe and Mike Nichols. He told me about how he met Gene Tunney, the undefeated heavy weight champion of the world from 1926-28 in Cuba in the 40’s. He told me that when he shook his hand, his entire hand disappeared within his.

He wept when he described a painting he saw in Rome once. The calling of Saint Matthew by Caravaggio (1599). The painting represents when Jesus and Saint Peter saw a man named Matthew and said to him “Follow me.” The painting is perfection as the bearded Matthew humbling points to himself as if to say “me?” It is the embodiment of human nature as we question ourselves and the value of our contributions to the world.

I suppose as one moves towards the end of their life, the question becomes what have I contributed to the world? Where have I added value?

I know this is not my typical letter. I have a lot of thoughts running around my head about my father as we learn more about heart issues and cancers developing within him. However, I am grateful for this week, and I am grateful for the time we have had together and the opportunity to ask myself where I have brought value into the world.

We model our relationships with others (our spouses, colleagues, children etc.) based on the relationships we had with our parents. Since you are all parents, I would love to instill a little wisdom I have learned from my father. No matter what happens, you must remain open to each other. Open and willing to connect, to share, be honest, be emotional, be your truest self. If you can do that with your children, they too will have the opportunity to grow up and develop meaningful relationships with others based on curiosity, empathy, kindness, and the ability to truly find joy in connecting with others.

My father raised me to love what I do. And I do. I love working with children, families, and teachers. I love that my job is to make meaningful connections with others. I cannot thank you enough for the opportunity to work with you and to bring myself (warts and all) to CCL.

Thank you for letting me share with you.

Allegra

Feed the Need: Heavy work tips for the early childhood classroom

Tue, 02 Feb 2021 20:38:35 GMT

February 2, 2021

Are you wondering how to best support those “wiggly” children in your classroom? Are you struggling to get children to attend to you?

Maybe Heavy Work (activities providing proprioceptive input) can help.

Occupational Therapist, Leslie Bodkin shared these great sensory diet ideas for the early childhood classroom. There are so many options here for implementing Heavy work into the classroom. Heavy work is anything that involves pushing, pulling, squeezing, or pressure. These opportunities can provide calming input. which in turn can help children settle and attend.

You can download the infographic for implementing heavy work ideas here

What is a SENSORY DIET and how can I incorporate such a diet into my classroom?

Think of a sensory diet much like you would think of a nutritional diet. For most of us, a nutritional diet might be made up of three meals a day and one or two snacks. Or maybe it is made up of six small meals per day. A nutritional diet also needs to have a variety of types of food in it; if you are eating only one food (say grapefruit), you are receiving some very good nutrition but not a range and grapefruit alone will not sufficiently meet all of your dietary needs.

You also can’t do the diet successfully in quick portions. For instance, you can’t eat all the food for your diet in one half hour on Monday morning and then not have any food again until Wednesday afternoon. It’s not an effective way to diet!

Just like we all need nutrition, children all need sensory input, and a steady diet of it. A range of sensory-based activities helps expand the learning of children, increase their abilities, and help them feel calm, alert and organized throughout their day. There are a wide range of activities provided here to help you think of some ways to provide a sensory-rich classroom space. The more we can meet the sensory needs of children in our care, the more we promote their overall regulation, learning, and ability to interact and form relationships with the people in their world.

Originally Posted Feed the Need: Heavy work tips for the early childhood classroom – Consult Allegra Blog Posts

Helping Your Family Develop a Grateful heart

Thu, 26 Nov 2020 20:38:34 GMT

November 26, 2020

Thanksgiving is the season of gratitude. We know this, as there is talk about gratitude in schools, on the news, and of course, on social media. It makes me wonder if this is the start, when is the end? And why does it end? Don’t we want to experience the benefits of Gratitude all year? don’t we want our children to develop a deep appreciation and a profound sense of awe and wonder celebrated throughout the year?- if so, how do we do this?

We often assume young children know what the words “thankful” or “grateful” mean. I don’t think I truly understood the meaning until I was almost 30 (maybe I was late to the table, I don’t know). In childcare centers all across America right now, children are being asked, “What are you thankful for?” Often the question is accompanied by a simple definition of gratitude or thankfulness. Often when children are honest about being thankful for cookies or paw patrol, they are kindly redirected to be thankful for something more “suitable” to put on a handprint turkey.

So, how do we encourage children to have a sense of gratitude? To make an impact on young children telling has a smaller impact than showing . Instead of telling children to be thankful and grateful, let’s point out all the times they demonstrate this in their everyday existence. Let’s highlight and celebrate their moment of joy, their small successes, moments of patience, and love for the world around them.

Young children are filled with awe, wonder, and amazement at everyday things; they stop to watch the wind blow, a caterpillar inch along a fence, or after mastering a coat zipper for the first time. These examples show that they experience gratitude, but the adults around them can easily miss these moments of amazement and gratitude.

I often hear from parents, “My child is selfish – all they do is think of themselves.” Yes, young children are self-centered. However, we are often too blinded by our busy lives to slow down and recognize how children are experience gratitude. How often do we stop to recognize what the children in our lives are seeing? How often are we ourselves, stopping to see what the world is offering us?

We all can experience gratitude and wonder every day if only we could put down the obstacles of our lives. When we remove these barriers, we will have the opportunity to exercise and experience a sustained sense of gratitude and, in turn, experience greater joy.

Suppose one of your goals for your children is to have a general understanding and appreciation of the things in their life. In that case, you, too, must experience a genuine and ongoing appreciation for the things both in their life and your own. Can you regularly appreciate and enjoy your world and all that you have in it? I encourage you and your family, to develop a daily practice, no matter how small, to celebrate the things you are grateful for.

Today, I am grateful for: the time off from work, cranberry sauce, sharing food (socially distance) with my neighbors, my husband, and the effort we put in developing a stronger marriage, my yeti cup (so great), and of course my cat.

Originally Posted Helping Your Family Develop a Grateful heart – Consult Allegra Blog Posts

Celebrating 51 years of Sesame Street

Tue, 10 Nov 2020 20:38:31 GMT

November 10, 2020

November 10 th , 1969, across the United States, parents and babysitters and grandparents and aunts and uncles turn on the TV because there is a new show today for kids: Sesame Street. The show has now been on the air for more than 50 years; nationally, 80 million Americans watch; internationally, Sesame Street comes to screens in 120 countries. It may be the most influential show in the history of TV.

Most importantly, Sesame Street was at the forefront of Early Childhood Education. In 1969, The Civil rights movement was making its mark. LBJ declared The War on Poverty, and the United States was waking up because there was major disparagement within education among Black and Hispanic children. Teachers noticed that Black and Hispanic children would arrive at Kindergarten and were not as prepared as their white counterparts. White children were more likely to have parents who were available to spend time with them, speak with them, share with them, and teach them.

For the first time, Federal funding was earmarked to help poor children, and Head Start was created. However, in 1969, Head Start was in its infancy and far from accessible to all who needed it. Given that most families in America had a TV in their home, Children’s Television Workshop (CTW) decided that something needed to be done. CTW realized a kid’s show could create access to educational learning for all: and Educational Television was born.

Sesame Street started with introducing a diverse and caring community, where people and puppets lived together in harmony. Over the years, Sesame Street has strived to reflect the changes in culture, offering a reflection and accessible to all who watch it. CTW designed the show to target poor urban children, the ones, as Newsweek has described, “who lived on streets with garbage cans sitting in front of their rowhouse apartments.”

Over the past 50 years, Sesame Street has worked meticulously to teach “academic” skills such as letters, numbers, etc., and “intellectual” skills such as curiosity, problem-solving, and flexibility. However, and probably the most meaningful, are the skills that most resonate with everyone who has watched the show over the years, Sesame Street made a direct effort to teach “social and emotional” skills such as compassion, empathy, kindness, diversity, and understanding. Sesame Street has not shied away from talking about hard issues with children. Sesame Street set out to normalize life for all children, as it helped children face topics like divorce, death, drugs, incarceration, and so much more. Today, there is even Sesame Street to support children living in refugee camps all over the world. The show helps children to feel comfortable with themselves and with others. The show values differences; everyone struggles and develops in their way, which should be celebrated.

Sesame Street worked! Studies have shown that children who watch Sesame Street know more than children who do not. A landmark 2015 study from researchers at the University of Maryland and Wellesley College found that watching “Sesame Street” delivers educational benefits as effective as preschool. After watching the program, children are 14 percent more likely to be in the appropriate grade level for their age, especially those in disadvantaged areas. It turns out that Sesame Street is the “largest and least costly early childhood intervention that has ever been implemented in the US” according to Philip Levine, an economics professor at Wellesley College.

Sesame Street remains to be a vital tool for children’s healthy growth and development. Sesame Street remains diverse, whereas most preschool classrooms in the United States do not. The Century Foundation (TCF) recently found preschools centers suffer from significant socioeconomic and racial segregation—problems that could be undermining young children’s learning and achievement. I see this every day in my work. Centers for low-income children are predominantly children of color with fewer resources and less qualified teachers. Children in private care tend to have more white children, parents with higher income, more education, and more qualified teachers.

Children need Sesame Street: despite growing diversity and expanding knowledge about the value of school integration , early-education classrooms in the U.S. remain segregated. They don’t look much like Sesame Street .

Sesame Street costs very little— it delivers value for “pennies on the dollar,” according to Levine and co-author Melissa Kearney, an economics professor at the University of Maryland. Head Start costs the country around $7,600 annually per child , while private childcare in the US costs an average of $14,800 and here in Massachusetts over it costs $20,000 . According to Kearney and Levine, the annual per-child cost of Sesame Street (in today’s dollars) was just $5 . And it is an amount that The United States seems unwilling to pay, despite only 40% of preschool-age children in the United States having access to preschool today.

Furthermore, and due to lack of funding PBS, has been unable to afford to maintain Sesame Street, and for now, the show airs first on HBO, leaving out the very children the show was made for and proven to impact positively.

We need Sesame Street: when preschoolers see greater diversity, we “reduce the prejudices and social isolation of children and promote cross-cultural relationships. Diversity has long-term benefits such as greater social capital, employment opportunities, and comfort in multi-racial settings,” the report says. By kindergarten, children have typically developed an awareness of ethnic identities and social status, along with the ability to make social comparisons.

While America struggles to desegregate its preschools, it is essential to offer Sesame Street to all that need it. It is vital to fund programs like Sesame Street, showing children various backgrounds and cultures while normalizing differences and changing perceptions.

To hear more about How Sesame Street was born and how it helped change the way millions of children learn, check out History This Week: The Muppet Revolution .

Originally Posted Celebrating 51 years of Sesame Street – Consult Allegra Blog Posts

When You Come From a “Broken” Home

Sun, 02 Aug 2020 20:38:30 GMT

August 2, 2020

I spent the morning listening to Michelle Obama’s new podcast. First off, I highly recommended it. It was great to hear her voice. The first podcast is about community and the values that community instills in us. Her first guess is, of course Barack Obama. I was listening to the podcast, as I walked along the Longfellow bridge in Cambridge, MA, when all of the sudden I felt like I was shot through the heart when Barack Obama said he was from a “broken” home.

I was struck by how disheartened I felt when he, this man who is so careful and thoughtful with his words, who (at least to me) is so whole would casually say he was from a broken home.

This is certainly not the first time I have heard this term, I, myself come from a broken home. It might be more accurate to say I come from a shattered, fractured home. A home which has been decimated by divorce, adultery, alcoholism, and mental illness. I come from a family that was torn apart.

Listening to Obama say that simple statement, brought me right back to being a little kid and overhearing adults talk about how I was from a broken home, or having it talked about in school like it was a disease.

What does a broken home mean? Does it mean that I too, a product of that home, am somehow broken too? Please, do not get me wrong, I, and I know countless others have faced our fair (or maybe better stated unfair) share of challenges coming from a complicated family.

But I am not broken.

I, like all of us, entered the world powerless to who my family is. I did not ask to be the last child born to a complex family riddled with heartbreak and betrayal. I am not responsible for my parents or their choices. I am not broken.

I have spent much of my life, coming to terms with the heartbreak of coming from a complicated home. I have spent much of my life, realizing that I am not responsible for the broken home, that I am not broken,

I am whole.

Now, I spend my professional life supporting children, their families, and their teachers. And I still hear judgment when a child comes from a complex family. Professionals work hard to comfort the child with a “you are not responsible for this divorce… the drug abuse… the affair… etc.” And yet, we still look at, and talk about these children as though they are defective, that they are not whole, that they are broken.

If we, particularly as professionals who talk about families, can find a different way to talk about homes that are struggling, (because I also know a lot of families that are considered “whole” or “ideal” and they too are struggling). We need to be more intentional with our language.

The Obamas go on in the podcast to talk about hope, and they use strength-based language to talk about communities and the future. It is this strength-based language that we should be using when we talk about children and the complexities they may face.

Within the Early Childhood Mental Health community, we look at the strength of the relationship, even with there are many challenges to face- there is still the relationship and it is critical that we promote healthy relationships . Gilbert M. Foley, EdD, IMH-E reminds us to presume potential when working with children and their families. This mindset changes how we see families and in turn how families feel about themselves.

As professionals we have the power to uplift and empower struggling families. We can presume potential and help families see that they are whole.

Personally, I have not got a clue what it is like to grow up in a “whole” family, with happy parents, and a station wagon or whatever. I do know how to grow up in my family , warts, and all. And despite it all, my family helped me set my values, and encouraged me to work endless to help families see their potential even in the face of great difficulty.

So, I ask as to presume potential in all of the children we see and let’s help them to see their wholeness even in the face of adversity.

And the end of the podcast Michele Obama reminds us “When in doubt, rely on hope.” If we rely on hope, we can see potential, even if something appears broken.

You can listen to Michelle Obama’s new podcast on Spotify

Originally Posted When You Come From a “Broken” Home – Consult Allegra Blog Posts

Relationships are The Keys to Success

Thu, 21 May 2020 20:38:29 GMT

May 21, 2020

The relationships we have in our lives are the keys to success. Positive childhood experiences and meaningful relationship help children to build resilience and reduce depression and other mental illness, even in children with adverse childhood experiences. It is the relationship that is the agent of change, not punishment, not rewards, not overindulgence, not being taught “a lesson.” The relationships we have are central to our wellbeing. If you are concerned about your child’s social and emotional development right now, as many parents are. I want to assure you that your child is currently, and continuously developing social and emotional skills and it is through you, through your connections, your simple interactions, and your love.

I often get asked, why does my child act so selfishly? Here is what I say in return: Young children are going to act selfishly when they don’t get what they want or if they don’t like something, or if they are tired. Because that is developmentally what young children do. They are, by definition- selfish. As they get older and mature, they will develop a greater capacity for perspective taking and they will become less driven by the self. But all of that takes time and development. So if your 4 year old falls apart when they lose at candy land- this does not mean they are going to behave like this forever and they do not need to be taught “a lesson” on how to lose gracefully. When they do need is your empathy, compassion, and patience.

So, if you can take this time at home and focus on the relationship you have with your children, focus on the relationships you have with your friends and family, and with your community. Help your children to maintain these relationships with calls, letters, waving at people. How is your relationship with your community? Can you strengthen it by dropping off food to those in need? check in on your neighbors? Find other acts of community service? Young children need tactile, concrete examples of acts of kindness in order for it to resonance with them. Donating money online, and other acts of altruism that are not tangible will not be seen by young children. So, can you think of some concrete ways to show them how you are maintaining the relationships you already have, and developing new ones within your community. This will teach your children just how valuable relationships are and how we need them in order to be successful. This is what young children need to flourish social and emotionally.

Originally Posted Relationships are The Keys to Success – Consult Allegra Blog Posts

When Your Child is Frustrated

sboleski@cclex.org (Sarah Boleski) — Mon, 11 May 2020 20:38:28 GMT

May 11th, 2020

How Quickly Do You Step In To Help?

It can be difficult, for many reasons, for parents to watch their child experience frustration and so they step in and take over. However, experiences and “surviving” frustration, is vital for the development of necessary resilience skills like problem-solving, persistence, and creativity

As your child gets older their disappointment and frustration will become bigger, e.g., not doing well on a test, not getting picked to play on a team, etc.… it is how we help young children experience frustration now, that will help them to maneuver disappointment as they get older. Therefore, when your child is frustrated it is important to be encouraging and offer guidance. Be empathetic, remain calm, suggest they take a break maybe, help them experience their emotions by taking a depth breath. And Ultimately, to help them through the experience without taking over the experience.

The next time your child is frustrated, here are some helpful questions to ask yourself before you step in:

How long have they been trying?
Is it a skill/task they are mastering?
Can you help without stepping in to do it for them?
How frustrated are they?
Can you guide them with words?
Have they asked you to step in?

In life, how we cope during moments of frustration and disappointment will be critical for success both professionally and personally. So, help your child develop these vital skills, by stepping back before stepping in.

Originally Posted When Your Child is Frustrated – Consult Allegra Blog Posts